“Me and a Gun” by Tori Amos (1991)

4 02 2018

Tori Amos writes great songs. Deep songs. Especially her songs about being a woman in this society, which I, as a man, wouldn’t know jack shite if not for artists like her. Consider her a big sister you never had.

Maybe this song–about rape–isn’t the best song to start you out with. Most of her songs are not so downbeat. But this is important.

I don’t want to make you afraid of men in general. I think most wouldn’t go so far as to rape someone (although harassment seems to be more common than I would have thought).

Some men are just fucking pigs. They don’t understand the concept of consent, which probably seems odd to someone who has something that requires said consent.

Some men also don’t think much of women, think that they are inferior, or think that women are placed on this planet merely for the enjoyment of men.

I hope you don’t run into any of these “men.”

All I can say is that if you start to get a bad vibe from a man, or a group of men, trust your gut and leave. Don’t think you’re being paranoid.

Also, learn self-defense, which you’ve already been doing (much to my relief and pride).

Don’t hesitate to eviscerate a man who physically assaults you.

This song is based on what happened to the artist. You can check Wikipedia’s entry to read Amos’s description. It’s difficult, but knowledge is power.

P.S. It pains me to say this, because I hate impugning a large group of people, but stay away from college fraternities. It may seem exciting as a high school girl to get an invite to a fraternity party, but some of those assholes have “games” and “quotas” and treat women like dogs. Again, not all are like this, but it only takes a few.

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“That Look You Give That Guy” by Eels (2009)

25 01 2018

I’ve posted previously about Eels here. Mark Everett writes amazing, heartfelt, and deceptively simple songs that cut to the bone. He’s been through a lot, and it’s evident in his writing.

Unrequited love. When you really dig someone, really think they’re special and perhaps the perfect partner to share life with, but they don’t feel the same. Or worse, they’re with someone else, and you’ll never know.

“That look you give that guy
I wanna see
Looking right at me
If I could be that guy
Instead of me
I’d be all I can be”

Love is a sloppy, unfocused, uncontrollable emotion that can hurt as much as heal. Heartache can be as bad as any physical ache.

If you experience it, you’re not alone. It’s part of life. If your misery needs company, Mr. Everett’s songs might be the company you need.





“Breaking the Habit” by Linkin Park (2004)

17 10 2017

This is a powerful song about hitting rock bottom.  Reportedly, Linkin Park’s singer, Chester Bennington, had difficulty singing this song live because it would choke him up.  He struggled with addiction, and clearly his own song resonated with him.

“Memories consume like opening the wounds
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don’t want to be the one the battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize that I’m the one confused”

Addiction is no joke, as you know by my earlier posts.  I’ve struggled with alcohol since I was in my 20’s (picked up the habit while serving in the military).  It goes up and down, and right now it’s going down.

Eventually you’ll ask yourself why your dad drank alcohol.  I’m not sure I can describe it in a blog post.  There is a genetic component, and my father drank pretty heavily (which was more common back in his day).  For me, drinking makes me feel like a human.  It lets me enjoy the moment and the present company, rather than worrying about the future, or things said or done in the past.  It quiets my mind.  I don’t think about all the misery in the world, or in my life.  It’s an escape.  Not an escape from my problems, but from myself and my own overwrought perspective of life and the world.

And where do you get help?  Only rich people can afford residential rehab programs.  This is the problem in our society.  Help is not as available or affordable as it should be.  So it’s all up to you.  To do alone.

Please be careful with alcohol.  At first it can seem relatively harmless.  Partying at college, joking about the hangover the next day.  But over time you can want it more and more, and it will start messing with your health.  And as you get older, it gets harder and harder to deal with the hangovers, because they get worse and worse.

I’m working on it.  But please know that I don’t drink to escape my life, or to escape what is my joy at being your father.  I drink to escape my head and my heart, neither of which will shut the hell up on their own.

There is another component to addiction that researchers have recently found:  Addicts often feel that they lack or have lost some connection to society, or to humanity.  We are pack animals, and not fitting in to the clan could mean your very survival in our earlier evolution.  It makes a lot of sense, and it explains why so many successful people fall victim to drugs and/or alcohol.  Think of Janis Joplin and Amy Winehouse, to name only two. They were surrounded by vultures and ass-kissers.  Who can you really trust?

I wish I had made and maintained closer friendships.  Real connections.  I think that would have helped me.  So that’s my advice.  Be careful of the sauce, and try to surround yourself by people who really like you, want the best for you, and will tell you the damned truth.  It certainly can’t hurt.

As a sad footnote, Chester Bennington–who had struggled with addiction but then recovered–recently committed suicide, sadly adding to the poignancy of this track.  I’ve been listening to it a lot lately. To help break bad habits.





“To Feel This Way” by The Call (1997)

1 09 2017

The Call was one of my favorite bands back in the day. Michael Been, the singer/bassist/songwriter, and his bandmates made some great, provocative music.

This song is one of my favorites, and it really resonates with me. At first, it seems like a guy singing about loss, maybe the loss of love, and how he “never should have allowed himself to feel this way.”

But it’s bigger than that. I think he’s talking about how hard it is to live in this mad world when you “feel” too much. When you have too much empathy. Things can weigh on you, love and loss is amplified.

“The stranger he lives quietly
And braves the heat and cold
Through s deep dark haunted passageway
That leads him to his soul

Let no one be mistaken
Death makes memories of us all
It’s the purpose that confounds me
I should never have allowed myself
To feel this way.”

I’m not sure if a person is born with empathy, or if it’s nurtured. But some people have it, and some don’t. I know people who have absolutely no interest in anything outside their own lives. I envy them. How nice to not constantly feel the need to hang your head at all the misery in the world.

I know you have empathy. It’s a wonderful, human thing to have. In fact, some psychologists believe that empathy is the last major evolutionary step our species developed.

But it has a down side. You have to find a way to deal with it, otherwise, you’ll find yourself being dragged down by things. I’d recommend finding friends who share your empathy, if only for the camaraderie. And listening to music. Lots of music.





“The Ballad of Lucy Jordan” by Marianne Faithfull (1979)

8 01 2017

This amazing song was written by Shel Silverstein (The Giving Tree and Where the Sidewalk Ends). It’s a lament about the sad plight of a housewife trapped in a life that wasn’t enough for her.

Until recently, there weren’t many options for women. Getting married and raising a family was one of the main options. But think about all that wasted potential talent! We could have had six different cures for cancer and world peace by now, if we didn’t insist for so long that women should be “barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen” (yes, I’ve heard that many times).

Marianne Faithfull nails it with her husky, world-weary voice and plaintive delivery.

Things have really changed now, and women can pursue just about any job as a man.

But there is a holdover from the patriarchal, sexist past: there is still a ton of pressure on women to marry and produce children. There’s also a lingering perception that a woman is somehow not complete without experiencing motherhood.

Bullshit. Just because you have a uterus doesn’t mean you have to use it. Here’s a list of some women who didn’t have kids:

Jane Austen
Charlotte Bronte
Julia Child
Emily Dickinson
Harper Lee
Amelia Earhart
Georgia O’Keefe
Dorothy Parker

And on and on….

If you truly want to have children, that’s terrific. Many people do. But I’m telling you this because few others would. Your grandmother would tell you. You are the captain of your body in this area, too.

There is enormous pressure on us to do what we’ve been raised/conditioned by society to do. Often we’re not even aware of it, we just flow with it, like caught in a river current. Always check to see if your bearings aren’t effected by the current.

I just remembered that your middle name means “flow of the river.” We’ll have to find the Hindi word for “against” as a prefix to fix that.





“When the Rainbow Comes” by World Party (1990)

4 01 2017

This is the second World Party song I’ve posted, the other is “Ship of Fools,” so I won’t rehash my love for Karl Wallinger’s music.

This is another medicinal song. A sober song about hope. Or the struggle to find it. This song was released in a time I needed hope, so I know this song well.

It starts with an ideal:

“Build a new house down by the sea
Get to the place we were meant to be
You’ll know it when you smile.”

Of course most of us can’t do that. So if you can’t live by the sea, then what?

“Slippin’ and slidin’ around in your head
It’s be-bop-a-lula and baby you’re dead
So come on, make a bright new day.”

It’s never that easy, but just singing it out loud makes it seem just slightly more possible to make that bright new day.

“I need a prayer here
I need a blessing
Cast your eye back as you run
Turn around, boy!
See the rainbow come!”

I do believe there is something to the “power of positive thinking.” It’s just not that easy for some folks.

What’s easier is the power of positive singing. If things seem a tad dark, crank it up, belt it out. It might help.





“One Day” by Matisyahu (2009)

14 11 2016

My last post about the election was pretty apocalyptic. Apologies. Must be the funk I’m in.

That doesn’t discount the battle ahead, though. We will have to fight to keep what we have.

I’ve worked with a lot of tough people. Organizers, activists, musicians, writers. We have a lot going for us.

Hope is both required and justified.

This is a great song about hope. For us all. We need more anthems like this.

“All my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
For the people to say
That we don’t wanna fight no more
There will be no more wars
And our children will play
One day”